I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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