Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
