I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
