Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
