She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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