So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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