hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just threw up on my dentist
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
