..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
