You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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