i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
