Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
