This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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