Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Please, let me fuck your mom
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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