get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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