the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
