I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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