My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just threw up on my dentist
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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