man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
