Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
