Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
