it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dear god my vagina.
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