omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
