So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My liver just had a heart attack.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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