She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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