put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize