i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
