I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
