i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
