You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
