so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
