Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
