I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
