i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
