Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
