A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
