I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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