uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
