I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I lost the right to judge tonight
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
