You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
