I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
