You really coming over, don't trick.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
