i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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