my vag is so smooth its legendary
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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