What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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