i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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