I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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