is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
