is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
