Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
