I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
