like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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