Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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