umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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